Of course it can be. I am awake ahead of the alarm as usual, but at least the internal alarm didn’t wake me up at 4:00am like it has so often before. It did go off at 2:00am, which should have been taken advantage of. Sometimes I wonder if the automatic alarm during those quiet hours of night aren’t the signal to get off my butt and go hunting. I always seem to awaken for the next day feeling less than 60% on those particular days. I need to start paying better attention to that rather than just sitting around, reading, and waiting to fall asleep again.
The truth is, it can be exactly that bad, even though it’s Friday. As mentioned, I feel about 60% of normal, regardless of the fact that there are a lot of good things to be excited about. Oddly, I usually never wake up feeling thirsty due to the glass of water by my bedside every night. It’s a habit I picked up since living here in a dry, arid land. Odd for a vampire to choose the desert, but that was before a lot of things happened; like my personal awakening. I’m feeling dehydrated, regardless of my glass of water that is empty at the bedside. I think I downed it at 2:00am.
Is it possible to ignore these symptoms, these deviations from normal human desires? Of course it is possible. For a while, I feel normal. Even if I’m at about 60%. It starts out a lot like anemia. I just feel faint and tired a little bit. Then it starts to get worse. After a few days, it feels like I need a crash cart just to be aware.
Back to today; I feel ok, I suppose. Just that little bit of faint and tired I mentioned. I changed up my diet and didn’t have any fast food in the last 2 weeks now. I like the way it makes me feel physically; it seems to handle some of the issues. I’ve also quit smoking, which is a health plus. The right things at the right time are occurring and yet I’m vamping out again.
What most people have labeled “the thirst” or “the hunger” is probably a bit of a misnomer. I think that some people call it that just to give it a romantic vampire label. It’s something to relate to on a human level that somehow seems less monstrous. Let’s be honest with each other: it’s a craving more than anything else. Vampires are not the romantic, sparkly creatures you would imagine. We are just like everyone else with an impossible set of symptoms to deal with. These symptoms produce a craving for that which we lack. For us energy vampires, it’s straight up pranic energy. Sometimes we go for the thrill to substitute. Sometimes we go for the emotional upset in a room. Other times we try to get attention through a variety of means. Sometimes we act as the comforter in times of trouble, when in reality we are eating up your prana as it leaks through your tears; it’s like a little bat licking at a dribbling wound. And we stick around to help when really we are keeping the wound from coagulating just so we can keep the energy coming. Then, when you’re dried out from your remorse, we let you be.
So truth be told, the “hungrier” a real vampire gets, the more they act like an unawakened vampire. And since we’re calling it the spade that it is, a “hungry” vampire acts a lot like a junkie in a variety of manners. We just tend to hide it rather well. Does this mean that vampires are psychological addicts to energy? Not at all. Ignore this long enough, and there are real physical repercussions. Ignore the repercussions and they never get better. Unlike when you are quitting an addiction, trying not to hunt and feed as a vampire leads to a progressively worsened condition. There’s no bottom to it. I’ve just recently discovered that since shelving the vampire and trying to get along without taking energy from others. While it doesn’t kill you to ignore it, it will indeed make it a whole lot worse when eventually life takes enough of a toll on the energy system.
I had a severe energy crash at the end of April. That’s what returned me to the vampire way of living. I acknowledged it then, for it had never truly gone away. We are what we are in our lives. I suppose it’s not a bad thing that I enjoy my lot in life.
There is something to be said for ambient energy in a room. That’s one of the reasons I enjoy this café so much. It’s very crowded at dinner time and lunch and there is a lot of energy flowing through the room and as it builds, it saturates the air around me. I can’t complain about it, that’s for sure. Truth be told, I kind of like it. I like it a lot. People crowd in closer and closer, and yet they manage to stay away to a degree. I enjoy the people watching. Little do people know, it seems.
